Update

It's been a bit since I've written anything, I've never been much on sharing things much less feelings on the internet where they are open to all, so I'll try to keep this emotionless and obscure as possible. That's supposed to be a joke... The last 5 months, I guess its been that long, have been interesting. My parents visited me in April/May, it was refreshing to see them in person after so long. Their excitement for me rubbed off a little a bit and they left me feeling confident in my Spanish and my work, but thats what parents are for. It was the first time I've ever left them at the airport, its always been the other way around, me going off to travel or to university. It was a strange feeling, lonely mixed with something like proud independence. I got back to my community uncertain of myself. Right before they came a friend from NYC came to visit with his buddy, and in the month before that I had a 2 week training in San Jose, a trip to Chirripo (the tallest mountain in Costa Rica and I think in the 50's worldwide), and another 2 day training. I was afraid my intermittent absences would reflect negatively on me, we were told in training of the "Cuerpo de Paseo" a play on words for those who don't know spanish changing Peace Corps to Passing or Vacationing Corps. Luckily it didn't but my 3 english classes fell casualty. I was upset at first, I had told my classes exactly when they would resume and somehow everyone forget. The intro to administration class I had planned to start on my return also fell victim.
Thinking about it led me down a darker path to doubt. All they were were english classes, something I had not been terribly excited about doing in the first place, if I wanted to teach english I would have signed up to do so. If that was all I was doing in the community then what was the point? I liked living there, the people and the nearby park, I liked traveling and the idea of doing more of it in the future, I liked all the other volunteers that I had become close to but without it being professionally rewarding it seemed empty. And somehow it all came together after that, like all it needed was just a little more time. I thought that by 3 months I would be working on big projects without realizing that I wasn't working on my timeline anymore. That I was thinking in the timeframe of days but the people I were working with were thinking in terms of weeks and months even if they told me different. I didn't want to teach too much English and now I didn't have to and without the awkwardness of canceling a course, I still keep a weekend community class. One day during a monthly Tour Guide meeting i realized that I was relevant with a respected opinion when I heard some of my previous comments reiterated by the members. A local cooperative that told me there were going to buy more computers to create a space for members and community class, well they haven't yet but they asked me to start with giving the board of directors computer instruction and eventually helping with understanding financial statements and expanding business skills. Last week, I led the introductory meeting to start a "Empresa de Credito Comunal," a community owned and operated micro-finance business that combines the formation process with an educational program for the shareholders going through every aspect of the business. An organization that I will support and an educational program that I will teach or to be more Peace Corps correct an educational program that I will facilitate. And there's talk of helping the local agricultural center (that represents more than 100 local farmers) with project development (think bio-digestors, implementing farming and livestock techniques, and researching crops to introduce in the area that would add value and diversity).
So I find myself now suddenly satisfied, excited about current and prospective projects. June 17th marked 6 months of official service with only 18 months to go. All I can say is that none of it turned out like I expected but that doesn't mean it isn't something I want. I took an intensive introductory French course my last semester of college expecting to be sent to West Africa, and I remember when being told Costa Rica feeling put off about the whole thing. Here I am now, while I feel like I somehow cheated the system and got Costa Rica, I can't really complain that the US Government is paying me to live in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. (That is not to say that it does not benefit from or is not in need of Peace Corps service.) I don't think I could take a weekend or a day off and go surfing if I was volunteering in West Africa. I admit I used to feel anxious the first couple months that the service would pass too slow, that I wouldn't achieve anything, and that the world would pass me by. Now i feel anxious that the next 18 months will pass too fast, that I won't see the effect of my projects or won't have the time to adequately explore central america while I'm so close by.
Admittedly, I write this on a good day after a good week. In the month ahead my brother will visit me and I will finally move out into my own house, which makes me think positively of the future. And while I make light of my experience sometimes, talking about beach weekends or surfing, it can be trying. I know in the future as in the past there will be times when I miss New York or Montreal, and the people in them. That some nights its hard not to remember that I am living alone in a foreign land, a feeling made worse when I have had a week without much work or where I felt ineffective. It can be frustrating when my spanish skills fail me, its not exactly professional to go searching in the dictionary while teaching an english class. It can be frustrating when working on projects with organizations and doing in 2 hours what could have taken me 5 mins because the passing of knowledge and skills is as important as the completion of the task. Sometimes, you go a little cabin crazy and need an night away, a beer, and the company of other volunteers to break out of it. In the interest of staying sane and not losing all my university education, I try to read a lot (a task made easier now with a kindle) and signed up to take the CFA exam in December. It also helps to have something to work towards, a family or friend's visit, a weekend trip, or even a trip back to the States, which in my case wont be until Dec 22nd.
So in conclusion for anyone concerned I am still alive and doing well, although every day is a battle with the heat that causes you to sweat even when you are sitting down at your desk doing absolutely nothing. You would think the daily rain would cool things down but it doesn't.

Today marks one month of service, another 23 to go. Taking a moment to reflect, this first month of service passed by fast. Some days quicker than others, if I had a meeting with a local organization or played a little soccer in the afternoon. Many others passed by slower, with nothing planned and either intense rain or intense sun keeping me from straying too far from the house. I can't remember what I expected a month ago to have happened or to be feeling right now. I feel comfortable here most days but I'm not so foolish to realize that I've only been here a short time and to most people I'm not yet a permanent fixture. It makes me impatient to start projects or classes when I really need to start out slow and get to know the community more. I guess its been a hard month in that sense, first with the holidays when life slows down so there's not much to do but to think about my family and friends celebrating and contemplate my commitment. Afterwards, there is the waiting, waiting for people I have met to call, waiting for meetings, and then for follow up meetings. But I guess that is part of the experience, most likely rife with life lessons and one I'll be all the stronger for having.
Hopefully in the future I'll have more positive things to talk about in relation to work. Although I have met a lot of good people and as time passes I'm confident that it will all come together. I'm excited in particular to work with a group of tour guides in the area, if nothing else because they'll show me all the awesome waterfalls and spots in the area. I'm reading my first book in spanish by a Costa Rican that my host father lent me, it's slow going because I have the book ("A Ras del Suelo") in one hand and the dictionary open in my other hand. In general my Spanish is passable, although I need to expand my vocabulary and practice my grammar before I develop some bad habits. I've been to the beach a couple times, surfed and gotten a little color, it's nice to have little mini-vacations and step away from my community and host family and have that time for myself. I'm getting a little better at soccer, it's a great way to work of all the rice and beans I've been eating.